I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve anyone, really. I’m sorry that this crazy bastard that I am chose out of all the women in that little store we toil in, it had to be you. Looking from the so-called competition, it was probably obvious why I wanted you. You have such a lovely, albeit rather unkempt, brunette ponytail. You have a perky, lively manner of walking, something that is still quite apparent when you’re waiting in line, always dancing the time away. You have a such a lovely voice. Now granted, you still sound so much like a girl even though you’re a full-figured woman, through and through. Still, it does make you sound quite youthful, though I imagine you’ll lose such voice by the time you hit 40. However, if there is one physical trait that stands out from everything else, it’s your eyes. They’re beautiful, soft, warmth-giving eyes. When I ever see those eyes with that smile of yours, I seriously feel that the vast, multiple troubles and travails in my life are gone. Those irises of milky azure rope me in into some strange, ethereal world since I don’t see many people with such a color. The rest of your countenance then ropes me into a calming mood which in turn completes a sensation that all of the stresses that I had before seeing your smile are someplace else. It really does feel that I may have seen, for a few seconds, a glimpse into heaven. I just want to go on record saying that while I found you attractive- and I still do at times -I am somehow not thrown completely out of whack to know that you sure as hell won’t be winning any beauty contests. That nose of yours could really use some straightening up, since it looks like it was smooshed by some wall from a few years back. Do you not have the means to buy some decent shampoo and conditioner to rein in that hair of yours? I see so many split ends and stray hairs everywhere that if you wore a bum’s clothes, I’d think you were that indigent. The most glaring physical feature I see is when you’re not smiling, your face seems to express one of two expressions: sad or angry. Of course, I saved the biggest flaw for last: your short stature. I’m like 6 feet 4 inches tall, and you’re what, like 5 feet tall? Still, there was an attractive hold you had on me despite your homunculus build. I thought to myself “How the hell could I be in love with such a woman? It’d be a struggle to kiss each other since I’d have to crouch or she’d have to climb a ladder of sorts. If I did do impossible and have a relationship with this woman, she’d only have me around as a human cherry picker. If I really wanted to date diminutive beings, I’d date some distant relative from my mother’s side of the family.” I could spend the rest of my time taking cheap shots at your shortness, but I won’t this cruel anymore, I promise. I only wanted to tell you that I know you’re not the most attractive woman in the world, especially given the customer base at our workplace, which can sometimes bring in quite the number of lookers in there. Nevertheless, in the face of more attractive women coming in and out of that establishment, you beat them all in terms of getting me hooked on to you since your aforementioned physical flaws, combined with the lack of makeup which I must give kudos because you don’t hide anything and good on you, combined with the good parts of you make me feel that I’m seeing a real, raw beauty in my midst. I’d like to know more about you, but since I’m the most depraved, decrepit, unbelievably timid and awkward guy in the world, I took the coward’s way of knowing you. I’m kind of shocked, amused, and bewildered to see your interests, at least the ones I see in cyberspace. First of all, I am shocked at the number of animal-focused pages on your Facebook account. It’s like large swaths of your liked pages are either around dogs, official fan pages for zoos across the country, or baby animals in general. I like animals myself, but I wonder if you’ve ever taken care of one those creatures for at least one day. I got two dogs myself, and while I love them not I’m gushing with overt praise and affection because they can be a pain in the ass. Another aspect that I did not know about is the number of liked pages dedicated to food. You’re no doubt the thinnest employee at our little establishment, and I never would’ve imagined that you were once a rather chubby girl in the past. I guess doing all those exercises that you found on Pinterest really worked out in the end. Still, you sure love your chocolate, pasta, burger, and especially pizza fan pages, don’t you? I think you may have liked at least one page that promoted healthy living, but you sure love to eat, don’t you? Maybe, out of everything I’ve seen from your online presence, that is something I should emulate. I certainly don’t have the physique of Adonis, that’s for sure. Then, I see that you like all of that Marvel, anime, cosplay, really all of that nerdy shindig activities that I wouldn’t ever associate with you. So, I’ve seen you made a few dating profiles on a few websites. Now, I have to ask the following question: Are you insane?! How many times do I have to repeat myself? You’re an attractive woman! I seriously find it hard to believe you haven’t found the right guy yet. Now granted, you’ve dated once before. That may have colored a negative light on relationships for you. Still, I don’t believe you can look me in the eye and tell me that there aren’t at least three single guys you know in your circle of friends that would go out with you. You’re a charmingly beautiful woman with a more gorgeous heart. You’d be doing any guy a favor to even have just one date with you. Anyone who is even around you would know of your luminous grace. So, don’t go out to the reaches of cyberspace to a site where only vapid, distorted depictions of beauty, suaveness, or really any term of attractiveness that those creeps use to hide behind their own worlds of vainglorious, egotistical detritus. You’re better than that. You might be waiting for Mr. Right to come around the corner, but I really think you’d be surprised who could be a real unexpected catch if you asked anyone in your immediate physical reach. I didn’t ask you out, that’s for sure. I had to take a step back and ask yourself the hard truth. “You’re an unpleasant, cowardly, disgrace of a man!”, I said to myself. “Why the hell are trying to get a relationship with this woman? So she can ‘save you’?! From what?! Yourself?! That’s all on you, you bastard! You’re never going to get what you want, romantic or otherwise, because you really are a wretched loser! It’s time to burn this bridge to nowhere. And do me a favor. Never get involved in anyone else’s life. You can’t love and care for yourself, much less someone else.” That was the impetus for ending what couldn’t be. The problem was that I spent over the course of a month spending almost all of my free time thinking about you. I’m not the sort of the guy that forgets easily. I tried simply not looking you up online for a week and I still didn’t succeed in removing you from my life. I couldn’t quit my job either. Everyone needs money, particularly me at the moment. That’s when I took a dark, rash turn for the worst. I had to make a conscious effort to burn bridges with you so I had a good reason to stay away from you.
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