Funny English status

i really wish the dollar store would start selling gas.
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If I was president, all Monday's would be changed to National Holiday..
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The great thing to remember is that though our feelings come and go Gods love for us does not.
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Appreciate those who love you. Help those who need you. Forgive those who hurt you. Forget those who leave you.
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Smiling for someone is sweet but making someone smile is the best feeling.
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Stop advertising your relationship on Facebook. Not everyone wants to see you happy.
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SMILE ..... It irritates those who wish to destroy you.
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Treat your parents with loving care. You will only know their value when you see their empty chair.
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If you treat me like an option, I'll leave you like a choice.
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If you don't thank GOD for every smile, then you have no right to complain about every tear.
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Facebook is the only book that we read everyday.
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Always remember to smile. You may not know it, but someone might be dying to see that smile everyday.
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We always ignore the ones who adore us, and adore those who ignore us.
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All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips
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I'm thinking of you and wanted to tell you that I love you.
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The lucky lover of this world! Person loves a girl without purposing her but finally he get same girl as his wife in arranged marriage.
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A closed mouth is an open ear, the less you talk the more you hear.
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I tried to kill a spider with hair spray. It`s still alive, but its hair looks amazing!
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I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be nobody so when I see brainless people post, I can like it. And it will say nobody likes this.
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Some people are like fast food...they never look as good in real life as they do on TV.
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I text you because I want to have a chat with you, not to be pissed off & get my day ruined.
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Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.
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Lies That Always Worked - If you finish your food, I will buy you Ice cream.
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Facebook keeps changing, updating..yet they can't add a simple "dislike" button.
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I'm not addicted to Facebook. I only time I update my status is when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
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When i die don't write "R.I.P" on my grave write "B.R.B"
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I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the weirdest hairdos.
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About 50 percent of parents friend their children on Facebook, other 50% find less technological ways to embarrass their kids.
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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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You have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish can't drown
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Don't wait for the perfect moment...Take the moment and make it perfect...
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Love is not blind
Infatuation is Blind;
love roots out all truth.
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I almost exclusively update my twitter while pooping.
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My friends are my estate.
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True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until you lost it.
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Friendship is like a violin the music may stop now and then, but the strings will last forever.
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Best Friends listen to what you don't say.
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Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
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You can never be a leader unless you learn to lose.
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Just wanted to let u know that you